Dedicated to the struggles of a Golden Dawn Tradition
I'm in my late 40's and life has presented me with interesting situations. My background is in computer science. But my interest has always been with occult beliefs and practices.
For many years I turned my back on the occult to focus on my career and try to maintain some level of stability. Most of which has been erratic and elusive. Perception is everything.The harder I pushed for this universal belief of work, ethics, and the general process to improve the quality of life the more difficult everything became. Repeating what you were told and what is perceived to be right can truly lead to insanity.
It's a sad reality many of us fall into. If you have Aspergers or ADD / ADHD the madness becomes magnified to a level that becomes self destructive. Bad habits and drug abuse sneaks into the work and you start adopting unknowingly at first principles similar to Dionysos or Bacchus. You find yourself swept away in a magical current that can eat parts of your soul away, as the Godform of that tradition ego takes control.
Food, health, habits, addictions, and environment all play a role.
Full Break Down
My kids pointed out my problems as kids continually and so easily do. But they revealed a fallacy that I had continue to fall victim to in the same ways over and over again. My relationship efforts were extremely damaging.
I essentially said
f^$k this. It's not working. In fact everything I have done for the last 20 years hasn't worked. Sure I'm a talented programmer. I have worked for some of the finest companies in silicon valley. That is not something I need to work on anymore. Personality, character, and faith are the things I needed to work.
In my youth I spent a lot of time reading Buckland, Crowley, Dion Fortune, and spent an endless time searching for any grimoire I could get my hands on. But really I had no idea what I was doing. I also wanted all the wrong stuff. Power, money and girls. All of which would make things worse. I wish I had spent more time on subjects like the Corpus Hermeticum, Philosophers Stone, Alchemy. I really needed to spend more time on the purity of the soul.
Everything I see or Believe
Waking up in the morning with the realization I have lived the wrong life and everything I currently know is wrong. It can be a bit scary. Let's take this example. I am red/green color blind or protanopia which is the complete absence of red retinal photoreceptors. Its all about long wavelength cones or lack of in my situation. When I did put the glasses on it was an emotional experience. Nothing to cry about but I was definitely missing something in the myriad of colors that most people see daily.
I guess a hue of red seems to be in everything at least to a certain extent. Green for me was also alien. Its all over the place. Like grass!
But to be more precise I'm talking about everything. Including that which is invisible. Forget the glasses. Everything I heard or saw visibly was misleading. This is an impossible thing to convey when you generally use some aspect of science to understand something. But what if our science is wrong.
Time was wrong. I stopped following traditional measurements of time sexagesimally divided by hours, minutes. We are in the digital age. I also stopped using the traditional calendar for a metric calendar. This might be extreme. But I have also noticed patterns have started to occur that I would not have discovered had I not made the change.
Too much stuff exists between the spaces. This is a mind fuck. I guess it's too much invisible stuff. How is that possible? I guess the only way to understand this is to simply believe what is not there. Pretend.
Just pretend and entity of sort that's invisible with certain characteristics now exists. It's just a game of pretend. Now interact with it. Make the game more lively. Ask for something? Maybe ask for some help in some area in your life that is lacking. Perform these experiments and you will be surprised of the results.
But beyond this. Its not a joke when I say too much invisible stuff. Its no wonder why humans progress in life sheepishly with whispers from the unknown. Collectively moving forward and unrealized slaves to a misleading thought.
Why use a system riddled with inaccuracies, errors, and shrouded in mystery. Why use a system that had closed at a peak. Surely we have better books now. Surely we can dumb it down and skip everything. Modern Magick by Donald Michael Kraig will get you there. Techniques of High Magick - A Manual of Self Initiation by Francis King and Stephen Skinner should put you on the right track.
As wonderful as those books were I couldn't help myself. Maybe it's my Masonic background. Maybe theatrics works for me. Creating the tools and setting up the ritual spaces has a magick all in itself.
Come now. I read this book in my teens. Well it was four books I think. So I'm going to completely throw myself into this. Continued in Immersion.
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